Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
