I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
