The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
