Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It was a blind-side dick pic.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
