My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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