Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
