I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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