I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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