I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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