if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
