I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
