I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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