i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
