Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
