take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
