It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me I should be a condom model.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
