I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize