it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
When are your genitals available?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
