Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
