i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
