My sheets look like a crime scene.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you would pick up someone in the library
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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