im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize