Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
