I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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