I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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