I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
