so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
