I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
