The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
