I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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