$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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