What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
