So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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