Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
