Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
