You really coming over, don't trick.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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