we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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