I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
