ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
