Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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