Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Someone shattered a urinal.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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