Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
