end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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