She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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