Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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