but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
