Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
