omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
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nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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