She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
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Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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