what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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