Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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