you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
