Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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