i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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