If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
