She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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