Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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