At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
