Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
