goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
