hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
