I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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