I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
