people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
