so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
