god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
