He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
