Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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