i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize