he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
