Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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