I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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