Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I supernannyed him into submission
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
