Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
