Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm at about main and main street
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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