in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
