So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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