There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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