i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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