I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
