So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
